Upon arriving at the annual campus-wide Spring term kickoff party on Friday, university president Kevin J. Worthen quickly realized that he had brought way too much of his signature homemade guacamole.

“I always forget to adjust my recipe from when I make a batch at the start of Fall.” Worthen chuckled to himself while handing out gallon jugs of guac to the 11 students attending, “Hope everyone’s hungry!”

With reportedly only one bag of chips to go around, sources confirm that the handful of spring term party-goers was not even close to making a dent in “KevKev’s Spicey Guac.” Instead, the heaps of leftover guacamole and mostly empty room reminded attendees of their many friends out on exotic study abroads and cool internships. 

“I’m ok with it, honestly.” Sophomore Jake Finley related, “To be clear, I meant President Worthen’s guacamole. It has a pretty unique taste and the texture is good – little chunks of unmashed avocado throughout the whole mix. I’m definitely not ok with being here while my friends are out in the real world having a blast.”

The kickoff party may not have been as exciting of a start to the term as organizers had hoped, but at its conclusion President Worthen assured the remaining 7 students that things would get better: “In just a few weeks they’ll be a lot more energy around here, I know we’re all looking forward to EFY.” 

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