Following legal action resulting in elimination of the BYU police, officers will allegedly be replaced with the Flying Monkeys, on loan from the land of Oz.

Beginning on May 1st, the Monkeys will begin residency on campus. They will assume full responsibilities formerly carried out by BYU police with one exception: the monkeys will be able to carry misbehaving students away to a dark tower for an indefinite amount of time.

An anonymous source on BYU’s board of directors says that the Monkeys were chosen because they are “incredibly obedient and they can’t talk, which means they won’t be able to slip up and spill police reports to the Honor Code office.”

At a press conference Friday, Dan Johnson, President of the Honor Code office, said “We have mixed feelings about the Flying Monkeys coming to BYU because, on one hand, they’ll be able to enforce the rules really well, but on the other hand, some of these guys definitely have beards.”

The Honor Code office also wishes to issue a warning to all students who are considering breaking the honor code at any future point: “We’ll get you my pretties, and your little dogs too.”