Having finally received their official deportation orders, two missionaries detained in Russia over the past week are reportedly ecstatic to return home, and can’t wait to get started selling the movie rights to their story to whatever Christian production company will take them.

Kole Brodowski, who, in contrast to his companion, was lucky enough to have his name released to the public, understands that negotiations will be a balancing act: “We know that people are into the whole Russian, Saratov-Approach-like story. That’s a no brainer. The real question is can any director around here afford us?”

While seeing their families and going on dates again are certainly important to the two volunteers accused of illegally teaching English in Russia, Kole is understandably most excited to spend long afternoons lounging in a conference room chair while movie executives fight over the privilege of making money off of his mission.

Kole hopes to eventually settle on a six-figure buy-out that includes Hank Smith as the head screen writer and Anne Hathaway as his character’s love interest.

“I just think she did a great job in The Other Side of Heaven.” says Kole, “She was in love with a missionary before, maybe it will happen again…”

If their dreams of movie stardom don’t pan out though, the ambitious missionary pair say it won’t be the end of the world.

“There will be lots of other opportunities to impress people with our story. I’m sure it will just naturally come up on dates, in casual conversations with complete strangers, and during every fast and testimony meeting for the rest of my life.”