“Hey, looks like we’re still out of toilet paper.” John Caster, Sophomore, laughed offhandedly to his roommates last Friday after emerging from the bathroom. While appearing cool and collected on the outside, John is reportedly only one more emergency bathroom visit away from breaking down. Our sources confirm that apartment #347 of King Henry is now in its third day of no one buying new toilet paper.

“It always happens so suddenly.” roommate David lamented to The Alternate Universe, shifting uncomfortably in his chair, “But I bought a big pack of name brand extra soft double rolls a couple months ago, so it’s not my turn.”

Peter, who regularly uses John’s whitening toothpaste, is waiting the other two out: “there are plenty of places I can go on campus to use free toilet paper so I don’t see the point of buying it.”

The three have decided together to be most upset with Chris, who rarely is at the apartment and for whatever reason maintains his own personal supply of TP.