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Cosmo Cougar Announces Official Debut Album: The Life of a Showcat
Ever since Cosmo closed the curtain on his last football era in 2024, Cosmies (Cosmo fans) have been eagerly awaiting his next move. On August 20th, 2025, he announced his debut album, offering a behind-the-stands look at life during his football days. While this came as a shock to many sports fans, it was not a shock to Cosmo’s cultish fan club. Kourtneigh Brace shared … Continue reading Cosmo Cougar Announces Official Debut Album: The Life of a Showcat
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Top 50 Things to do Alone Now that All Your Friends are Married
So, the spring wedding season is over, and now you’re all alone. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! Here are our top suggestions for how to keep yourself occupied until you find new single friends! Do yet another scripture study about patience Get into real estate Learn how to cook Ratatouille, become disappointed when you discover it’s just vegetables Explore the Ted Bundy cave … Continue reading Top 50 Things to do Alone Now that All Your Friends are Married
Dear Alternate Universe: Help! All of my friends are getting married!
Dear Alternate Universe, I’m writing to ask for advice on how to handle all of my friends getting married this summer. I’m 6’2″, work out twice a week, and served a mission, but I just can’t seem to get a girlfriend. How should I present myself this summer in order to make it clear that I’m not upset, even though I am? Yearningly, Logan Dear … Continue reading Dear Alternate Universe: Help! All of my friends are getting married!
Gym Bro Eats Girlfriend to Hit Protein Goal
Local man Jakob Kurtis was sick of eating chicken and rice every day just to have mid physique. Knowing that real change comes from hard work, and often great sacrifice, Jakob consumed 2,698 grams of lean protein by eating his girlfriend, Kayleigh. Jakob stated: “Kayleigh was great as a person, but she’s even better as a complete protein source. I’m honestly surprised more people aren’t … Continue reading Gym Bro Eats Girlfriend to Hit Protein Goal
HE’S COMING HOME: AJ Dybantsa Returns To BYU As Finance TA
In a shocking turn of events, AJ Dybantsa has forgone the NBA draft in favor of returning to BYU as a finance TA. Dybantsa posted the following on LinkedIn this morning: “My time at BYU is not done. NBA contracts might seem appealing, but I could make that money in a single summer selling pest control.” While many NBA fans mourn the decision, summer sales … Continue reading HE’S COMING HOME: AJ Dybantsa Returns To BYU As Finance TA
Artemis II Astronauts Get Lost on Way Back From Moon; End Up at Kolob
In an unpredicted turn of events, instead of returning to Earth as planned, the crew of the Artemis II ended up at Kolob, the star-planet from Mormon cosmology. NASA reassured the public to “not worry” and that “they’ll be back in the twinkling of an eye.” We had the unique opportunity to get on a call with the lost crew and interview them about their … Continue reading Artemis II Astronauts Get Lost on Way Back From Moon; End Up at Kolob
BYU Clarifies Honor Code to Allow “Beards” for Gay Students
In a beautiful display of consideration for the gay community at BYU, the HCO has updated the grooming standards to allow gay students to have a fake significant other of the opposite sex—otherwise known as a beard. “This whole time, I thought I wasn’t allowed to fake date my lesbian friend without a beard card,” said gay student John Gay. “I’m so glad we can … Continue reading BYU Clarifies Honor Code to Allow “Beards” for Gay Students
