On Thursday last week, we heard rumors of a newspaper contest coming to Provo.  Determined to beat the Daily Universe, we entered.  Guess what!  We won!  In your face, Daily Universe!

While we were waiting for the results, we interviewed several bright, intelligent students.  

“I only go to the Alternate Universe for my news,” says Cheryl Smith.  

“Daily Universe who?  I only see Alternate Universe, the best news sources on the planet,” says Marc Johnson.

“I like turtles.  Sorry, what was the question?  Oh, yeah, the Daily Universe can suck it,” says Benjamin Green.

“The Alternate Universe is definitely going to win.  If not, I’ll sue,” says Sue Walker.

Not everyone, however, is a big fan of the Alternate Universe.

“They think they are so funny.  The Daily Universe does not appreciate this kind of mockery.  It is a wonder [the Alternate Universe] is still running,” says Bob Douglas.  Hey, Bob, why do you think the Alternate Universe has more followers?  It’s because we’re better.  Now shut up.

The Daily Universe was not available to comment.

We still love you, Daily Universe.  We’re just better.