Category: News

Featured, Life, News

“The Virgin Mariah Carey” to Star in Church’s New Musical Nativity

Two years ago, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints wowed audiences with the release of “The Christ Child”, a historically accurate telling of Jesus’ nativity. This year, in place of historical accuracy, the new nativity will aim for musical splendor. To be released on the 24th of December, the nativity will star Mariah Carey as “the Virgin Mariah”. Since Mariah’s fame skyrockets (and … Continue reading “The Virgin Mariah Carey” to Star in Church’s New Musical Nativity

Lisa Simpson
Featured, News

MTC Now Offering New, Entertainment-Based Curriculum

Last week, the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah announced a change in curriculum. From now on, new missionaries will receive assignments to watch popular TV shows in their mission languages. This initiative aims to eliminate the awkward struggle of trying to talk colloquially after learning from the Book of Mormon’s archaic vocabulary. New missionaries weigh in: “I have an assignment to watch Erased, but … Continue reading MTC Now Offering New, Entertainment-Based Curriculum

Renesmee
Campus, News, President Worthen

President Worthen Gets Tongue Stuck on Frozen Pole

For many, the season’s first snowfall was a welcome surprise on the last day of classes. From the square, students can be seen building snowmen, making snow angels, and catching snowflakes on the tips of their tongues. While much of campus is a serene winter wonderland, not everyone is enjoying the chillier weather. The Alternate Universe is currently live at an intense scene outside the … Continue reading President Worthen Gets Tongue Stuck on Frozen Pole

Lisa Simpson
News, Sports

BYU Prays Too Hard for Enemies, Loses to FSU in National Soccer Championship

In Matthew 5:44 of the King James Bible, Jesus says “but I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”. In the Lord’s locker rooms on BYU campus, this isn’t counsel that many teams take lightly. It is common practice for BYU players to pray for their opponents right before a match. However, the commandment Jesus once gave in his Sermon … Continue reading BYU Prays Too Hard for Enemies, Loses to FSU in National Soccer Championship

Lisa Simpson
Campus, News

Leaked: Santa’s Christmas List

Last night, a reporter for the Alternate Universe was engaging in a late-night wander of campus, pondering finals and considering an existential crisis when they saw something cross the sky. Was it a bird, a plane? Had Cosmo learned to fly? No, none of the above. After a thorough investigation, the object was confirmed to be none other than Santa’s sleigh. As the sleigh passed … Continue reading Leaked: Santa’s Christmas List

Carmen Sandeigo