We Are Sick Of Writing About Coronavirus

Our publishers (we are jointly owned by Amazon and Bonneville Distribution) tells us we need to write more about coronavirus because it’s “topical” and “the only thing that anyone can talk about right now.” But we are sick of it.
Not sick with the virus, but sick of writing about it. We don’t know what you people want anymore. There just aren’t any ideas left.
Would you want to read an article about Bolivian Electrical Worker’s Independence Day? Or what about an interesting lead we have on The Daily Universe as a money laundering scheme?
The answer is no. No you don’t. You just want to read about coronavirus. “People are dying” you say. Well, we say “get over yourselves and click on our Bolivian Independence Day article”. There are livelihoods at stake. Our livelihoods. And by that we mean our ability to go to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse for every team meeting. Journalism is a lucrative business, and we would like to keep it that way.
Thanks but no thanks,
The Alternate Universe Staff